she calls me a misery

so here's the situation.

a week ago, i came home, wore out from work and hungry.

and mom was literally pushing me to pray, when i was right in front of the food.

i gave up looking for food, and she was still pushing me.

and something snapped inside me and i unintentionally yelled at her.

then she kept calling me disrespectful and so on.

but at that point of time i had no desire of apologizing her.

and the worst part is, a week before that, we had an episode of cold shoulder as well.

and from last week to this, i kept self-reflecting on how stubborn i am.

but a voice inside my head keeps telling me it's all too late for a bond.

earlier on today, i decided to make amend.

telling her how much i appreciate her and all.

30 mins before midnight, she came around.

i hate not being close to my old folks.

coz i'm always jealous to see other people talking comfortably with their families.

she came, and she said things like i spend too much time with my lappy.

i need a time-off and me having this barrier with them.

and then, she started to say things like i'm "ugly".

and i can't be trusted and she's close to giving up.

shit like that.

looky here.

you can say things like that all you want.

coz that's the reason why i've closed my heart on you.

for a moment i thought i could show you what a great person i am.

for a moment i feel great that you've given me a chance.

but you've crushed me emotions.

i'm trying so hard not to depend on you on anything.

but the only thing that you see is the failure in me.

it's like, you're actually waiting for that moment for me to fail.

i don't wanna be difficult.

at least, give me time.

i'm crying so hard right now.

ilyanti nabilah

i'm not gonna care that i'm gonna go to work with swollen eyes.