using an apple desktop now. but still unfamiliar. will go back to microsoft.
i'll tell you.
a couple of weeks ago(meant to blog about this earlier), i came across someone who dresses the same way i do. and that's a moment of realisation that i've changed.
putting my low self-esteem aside, i hate being judged or labelled.
:and having my mom, who is the most judgmental person to be around with, the person whom i promised not to turn out like her when i'm older is not helping.
:and having a stick-like figure person working with me as a partner, who criticizes me about my whole appearance right down to my eyebrows and ordering me to dress like her(which i think she's a colour mess) and sometimes threaten me to compliment her is not helping too.
i tried to stay rooted. ok.
i do love how banjak-banjak my mom looks. but i'm not her.
i love how confident my work partner thinks about herself. but i'm not her too.
i feel myself falling everytime my insensitive relatives or my family compares to my mighty cousin.
again, i am not her.
i feel so ugly.
even my own room was reinvented by mom's choice.
i let her, so i could hear less of her complains.
but i realise, nothing seems to satisfy her.
she kept saying "change, nabila change." with that dragging tone of hers.
i hate to impress for her, really.
at the same time, i don't think marriage could solve this problem too.
so, no thank you mom and dad.
stop controlling me.
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